We all live in a tough and even fallen world. People take advantage of others all the time. Some spend their lives taking advantage of others. Aside from evil people, there are also very unfortunate events (your transmission falling out on a highway) and horribly timed circumstances. If you have been wronged…I am sorry. Truly… but I have a question for you.
Are you stuck living your life as a victim?
Being a victim is the result of being dealt a hard blow in some way by someone or something ELSE, but continuing to live as a victim is YOUR choice. As painful as that might sound, once you get your head wrapped around it, you have taken the first step to moving on. I have seen many people seem like they were living a perfectly sane nice life, then get targeted by an evildoing abuser, or fall victim to some other form of injustice, and their whole life goes in the toilet. Not just their emotional response to the situation, but their inability to just shake the fact they were victimized. They find that they can pretty much blame ANY bad thing in their life on the situation in which they were abused.
Of course, those of us actually going through the abuse think it’s hard for other people to identify with us. “They don’t understand. This was different.” Much in the way that EVERYONE thinks they’re a good driver. Rest assured…you are not all perfect! Just me.
But the key to surviving these situations is to realize that YES, whatever happened was unfair, NO it wasn’t your fault, and YES it hurts…a lot! We might be in different places emotionally and maturity-wise, but the pain is real and it is hard to break out of. I am very aware of those days when you feel like you can barely breathe, when your mind is so full of rage and hurt you can’t focus, when you live for those 1-2 seconds every morning when you first wake up and all is well with the world…until you remember how bad life sucks, then the weight of the world crashes on top of your shoulders and you’re right back in it again. Wow…that is a tough life! Depression, anxiety, fear..it all hits you at once. Many studies have shown the actual physical effects these negative emotions have on your body. I will save you some time reading; it ain’t good.
Breaking free from this mindset might end up proving to be one of the hardest thing you will ever do. It is SO hard in fact, some people NEVER recover and end up living a far less life than what God had intended for them.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Think of it this way. Imagine you are in a swimming pool and someone comes up behind you and out of nowhere, for no reason, and without even a chance to take a big breath, grabs your head and slams your face under the water. 
Did you deserve this? Did you see it coming? Is it fair? Wasn’t just being a “good person” enough to avoid having this happen? Sometimes, there is simply no explanation or justification for things that happen to us, but there is another clear threat: in these heightened emotional states, we make lasting decisions. You’re under the water, your head is being forcefully held and you can’t breathe. Now what? Do you calmly think about your options, weigh the consequences and create a pros vs cons list in your mind and acquiesce? NO! It is LIFE or DEATH – it is SURVIVAL! You react swiftly and violently! It’s not enough to WISH you could breathe or WANT to breathe…it’s not sufficient to try to gently push your head upwards. You have to ACT…and act with urgency. Sure, you have the option of not doing anything, eventually running out of air and…it doesn’t end well. But the only way out of your circumstance is to BEAT it. Don’t cry about why, how and who…that can come later if it needs to happen, so you are better prepared when it happens again. But for the immediate moment…FIGHT! Break free from what’s holding you down. You may need to make drastic changes from the way you have been doing things. You might need to re-analyze goals and priorities. You might need to adjust on what you are investing your time. It might be uncomfortable, inconvenient and untimely – but your head is under water and your next breath is either coming or it isn’t. Stop the cycle of blame and victimization…use this to make yourself better.
I have a friend who is always smiling and positive. Is it because nothing “bad” ever happens to him? No. One day he was going through what I knew was possibly one of the hardest times of his life and I was standing in his kitchen with him as he was sharing with me the unfortunate position he was left in. But all the while he had an almost forced smile on his face. It wasn’t a smile of happiness or joy. Then he said, “I’m just looking for the ‘good’ angle of this.” I was shocked that he would even consider such a concept, given his situation. He said he always felt there was a positive perspective to everything..sometimes harder to find than others, but identifying it was his challenge.
I have thought about this many times since I heard him say this. Of course, it is easy to think of these things when everything is going fine and you have no “fires” you are working on…but then out of nowhere…your head is under water! Use the ‘fine times’ to meditate on Bible scripture, talk to people and learn from them so that when you are faced with sudden peril, you already have a plan of action.
Proverbs 19:20-21
20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. 21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
There is no shame in being attacked. There is no blame in going through hard times…it’s all just part of the game of life. Fortunately, we have a God who loves us and wants the best for us. Don’t quickly think you are being PUNISHED when you might just be being PRUNED. Going through hard times is not a fun thing we plan to do, but we can look for ‘good’ instead of succumbing to the bad. We can learn from our situation. We can FIGHT to change our perspective…don’t give up. Many people accept their circumstances believing “it sucks to be me” and finding blame in just about anything or anyone. You are not ‘special’ and you are not alone. Get out of your situation if it is bad, FIGHT to breathe again and then help someone else who might have their head under water.
Romans 12:1-2 …. renew the mind.