One of my favorite movies (although I will be judged harshly for admitting this) is the 1990 all-time favorite “The Freshman” with Matthew Broderick in the title role and Marlon Brando. Broderick plays Clark Kellogg who goes through nightmarish bad experiences, one after the other, as he begins his freshman year at a new college. At one point in the movie, Kellogg summarizes his seemingly endless misfortunes and quips “There’s a kind of freedom in being completely screwed.” Despite being delivered in a very light-hearted scene with humorous background, that phrase hit me right between the eyes. I could absolutely relate to the quote. But just as I could think of many times I felt like “what else could go wrong”, I could think of several times I felt like whatever it was I was going through had no way to end well. And sometimes, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see where things ended.
And then a miracle happened…a few times. The sun came out the next day! I didn’t think much of it at first, and then realized two things about life: Persistence and Transience. Despite my issues or my perception of how “good” or “bad” things are, the world will keep spinning and tomorrow will come. Also, that we are all in a constant state of change. I recall many meetings at Denny’s with one of my friends, when we shared the desperate times we were experiencing. And many conversations with others also in the midst of difficult times. At the time, we were clueless about what the next move was. We had no idea what lay in wait for us, or if we even had the fortitude needed to get there.
Fear is our natural reaction for survival. And “fight or flight” is our natural reaction to fear. But before taking action, sometimes we get stuck in the emotionless, hopeless stage called FRIGHT. Every time I ever lost a job, it was NEVER at a convenient time. I never said “Oh good, now I’ll have some time to finish some projects around the house, I have plenty of money saved up and I have been needing to read more books anyway..” No…it’s was always more like “CRAP! – NOW WHAT!?” At the moment things changed, all I could think about was how could I pay rent due in four days, or the car payment due today. Of course, it’s easy to look back now and see that everything wasn’t lost. There was hope after all. Maybe my time would have been better spent doing jobs around the house. How many restless sleepless nights did I waste worrying about tomorrow? Whether it was needing a job or even dealing with a family matter, no matter what it was…at the time it seemed like there was little hope. With the help of my friends and my faith, I was usually able to dodge complete meltdown and depression, but it’s not like I didn’t scrape bottom. I would almost say it is amusing to look back now, but things looked very real and very dark while I was in the midst of them. Some people in those dark times came out just fine! Yes, some cases included references to dreams they had and their idea of a perfect job, usually followed with an incredulous “But that’ll never happen.” But despite the feeling things were “highly unlikely to be much better,” I know that they have all bounced back. And some are living the life as they described it––regardless of not knowing how it was going to pan out.
See, that’s the point of this: just because you are buried in difficult times, doesn’t mean it is going to STAY that way. Live your life like you KNOW it is going to change. The decisions we make during heightened emotional states are the ones that stick. So make some great ones!
When I worked as a bounty hunter, I’d often hold defendants in the back of my car. As they sat in handcuffs on their way to the jail––a heightened emotional state for sure––I would often try to use that drive to talk to them about making some lasting changes. Deleting some numbers from their phone, doing more with their kids or wife… taking action on things and not waiting for someone else to hand it to you…
As you can imagine, some listened, some didn’t, but all too few understood that even though they felt like their lives were over, their heightened emotional state actually made it the perfect time to see themselves more clearly and make major, positive decisions.
I rather enjoy thinking about if I had only known THEN what I know NOW, and how things were going to turn out. It’s a great feeling to see friends in their new lives and realize that those visits we had years ago are so far in the past, it’s hard to remember them. I am often motivated by progress and I want to do MORE when I see what I have already done. So I like to take time to remember the tough times and see that I eventually came out on this side of things. But I also try to remember the harder times ,so I can think about what lessons I may have learned and which I can take with me the next time something happens.
As cliche’ as it is, the saying “This, too, shall pass” surely holds water. In the depth of our most seemingly hopeless situations, there is always tomorrow. Whatever weight that last straw may hold, tomorrow offers a new perspective. It might take a few tomorrows, but eventually things will change. We are all in a state of flux and a wise man prepares for hard times when things are good. Read scriptures, talk to your mentor, take advantage of the opportunity you have NOW so you are better equipped and better prepared should you fall on hard time again.
Also keep in mind that WE are not in control of near as much as we think we are..or we’d like to be. Think of the triathlete who ate well, exercised and did every thing he could to be in the ultimate shape…then one day he walked outside his door, slipped on the ice and…that was that. Or the very safe driver who took every precaution on the road…and yet while waiting for a light at an intersection was crashed in to by another driver who ran their light. There is very little we can do to completely control our days.
I must confess I have a secret weapon I use often in times of helplessness (and so can you)…Sometimes there is very little to have hope in given we live in such a difficult world. But the Bible says
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
I am sure I would have been even deeper and more lost without the peace God offers us when we put our trust in Him. I encourage you to develop a plan to deal with adversity BEFORE it happens. Waiting until you’re in the thick of it will lead to making emotional decisions which are the least reliable. Know what “rock” you can lean on and rely on. And always remember; time will bring another day, which brings another complete day of opportunities.
Awesome writing! I love this!