A tale of two women

This is a HUGE ‘way to go’ to a person I have known many years. She is one of the hardest working, most committed and selfless people I have ever known. She makes barely minimum wage (although she is paid a ‘salary,’ so hours are irrelevant.) She is the epitome of the term ‘work ethic’ and proof that doing a great job is not always commensurate with a large paycheck. She is raising a teenage daughter by herself after escaping an abusive relationship, and works unreal amounts of hours every week. While I always KNEW she could do better, I figured she would simply accept her position at a restaurant and just maintain ‘status quo’ for years to come.

I just KNEW she could do more. What a shame, I thought.

I thought wrong.

I got a message from her just this morning, telling me about a new job she was excited about. I assumed she was transferring to another restaurant; maybe escaping her current hours that limited her time with her child, or maybe getting away from unreliable employees forever asking her to cover their shifts. But I was wrong. I had no clue that for the past year, she had been enrolled in an online class that taught her a completely new skill. And she finished with flying colors! Now she is waiting for a call from a HUGE aviation company to join their team. Wow! She’s doing it: breaking free from the constraints of her previous life to do something better for herself and for her daughter. This is huge!

A former boss of mine once said, “if it’s easy to do.. it’s easier NOT to do.” My friend could have easily stayed in her position and work conditions and survived, sure, but something made her unsatisfied with that and she was now DOING something about it. She never sat around waiting for someone else to take care of her, or take handouts from the government. She took the steps to simply make her life better. Keep in mind that “better” does not always mean “more money” or less hours––simply satisfying that core desire to be more than what she was yesterday.

Now for the second woman. When I met her about 6 years ago, she was happy to have found a job where she wasn’t sexually harassed every day. I was glad to see that she respected herself enough to get out of that situation–but it kind of stopped there. When she lost her new job due to making poor choices and generally not being a very good employee, she sort of descended into this vacuous pit of fear, anger and self-pity. I spoke to her last week (almost 5 years since she lost her job) and guess what…she was EXACTLY in the same situation she was in before. Unemployed, bitter and hopeless. I understand that life can be brutal and often times unfair, but at the end of the day, we can’t capitulate to our circumstances. We either DO SOMETHING or risk finding ourselves in the exact same position… 5 years later (or more). I’m not going to judge her for not trying harder to improve her life, but the saying applies: “Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results”… is indeed insanity.

When I was in the police academy, we ran our behinds off and did unimaginable (perhaps inhuman) amounts of push ups and crunches. I knew that if I was going to be in law enforcement, my physical condition could easily prove the difference between life and death one day. So I ran. And ran… Oh, by the way: I hate running. But I was committed to being in shape. I didn’t do it so I would get a job, or look a certain way, I did it because I knew I had to. If it was raining outside I said “guess I will get wet,” and if it was snowing, “I might slip so I need to be careful.”

Bottom line: NO excuse could possibly let me out of the fact that I had to run. It wasn’t even a choice; the core choice was made when I decided to go into this field. I had people ask me what I was doing to lose so much weight and get in shape. After I told them I was running my butt off, many of them often responded with, “I wish I had the time to do that, but…” I never said anything to them, but I considered, “they just hadn’t made that core commitment.” There was a list of “reasons” why they were not able to run or whatever it was they were avoiding.

Point is: until you make that root decision about whatever it is, you will never move beyond where you are now. Write your goals down, put them on your mirror, repeat them aloud in your car, put them on your phone screen saver, make it part of your daily routine to remind yourself and stay focused. But it is not enough just to decide. You have to be all out 100% committed, with absolutely NO wiggle room.

As miraculous as my friend is, she is not wonder woman or some gifted savant. She is just a person who decided she was ready to make her life better…and so she did.

“I may not be the person I should be, I may not be the person I could be, but praise God Almighty I’m not the person I was”