Our most basic desire of our human nature is to WIN; whether survival, advantage, pride… Whatever it is…it’s rooted in something selfish. Because of this, it goes against our “natural self” to say the two things that mean the most.
“I’m sorry.”
And “Thank you”
Way back in the good ol’ days, people respected each other and even strangers were ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’. Now we have evolved to the point where we seldom hear words of respect and selflessness. While it may not be much, it does require effort to say “I’m sorry” and “Thank you” because they are based in absolute humility. It is easy to get buried in the “me” stuff every day. We all have so much going on in our day-to-day lives that it’s sometimes a forced moment to look beyond our situations. But if we can get past ourselves and consider the other person for a moment, this simple action could be the turning point in someone else’s life. The funny thing about “taking the high road” is that usually its benefit for YOU is greater than for the other person. The thing I appreciate most about expressing these things is really the way it affects the “receiver”. You often can see a noticeable reaction, if only because it is becoming so rare to hear these days. Just common decency has become a rarity and sometimes people are not sure how to react or respond.
One evening I was walking in to a grocery store and there was a man just finishing to load the last item in his trunk and return his cart. I was walking right by him, so I offered “Can I get that for you?” He stopped and looked at me in almost disbelief. “Wow” he said “You don’t hear that very often.” You’d think he just won some random lottery.
That was one turning point for me. I bet you have had them as well: points that make you mark every moment afterwards as a whole new existence. For me, that night, seeing how grateful and appreciative that guy was, made ME feel better than HE probably felt. I wanted more of that! So ever since then (maybe 20 years now), when I go to the store, I will go out of my way to take someone’s cart or at the very least, take one of the abandoned carts that are usually everywhere. I don’t do it for the recognition (yeah right..in Walmart?) and I don’t do it for someone to say thanks or not. I simply do it because it makes me feel good. It’s like the LEAST I could do might actually have a positive effect on someone.
I have a saying: “Gratitude is free to give and priceless to receive.” – It truly is one of the most impactful FREE things we can easily do. I had another turning point in life, after which I decided I would always thank a person if they did ANYTHING for me. Realizing they had the option to NOT do it, but instead took the time or went out of their way, or changed something about their life or their day to do something for me. I recognize that as a gift, and I try to immediately acknowledge their kindness with a “thank you.”
Now if you want to take it to a whole other level… imagine this. How often do you get mail these days? I mean besides bills and advertisements? When was the last time you got a letter from someone in your post box? I know I haven’t received one in at least 20 years or more! So, what if you 1.) Took the time to say thank you 2.) In a letter 3.) HANDWRITTEN!?! Holy cow! What a difference that would make! Talk about honoring a person with graciousness! It doesn’t need to be a long 2-page recount, just a few sentences to say you appreciate them taking time out of their day to do that thing for you. There are some people who say thanks, and some people call to say it, but the list of people who take time to write a PERSONAL note of thanks is astronomically short. If you want to really show someone how much they mean to you, send a letter! I keep a stack of Thank You stationary cards handy for any random moment I need to send my gratitude. Guess what…that also makes it easier and I end up sending many more cards than I would if I had to go to the store for each card.
Similarly, saying to someone “I’m Sorry” is also probably one of the hardest things to say. It means you have to swallow that lump in your throat that makes you want to fight for your way – EVEN WHEN you know you are in the wrong. Also think about this: Perhaps you did nothing to purposefully hurt someone and maybe you think what you did was perfectly rational…if it causes someone else to be hurt, then you need to cough up an apology. That goes against our natural self that says “Your loss sucka!” or “It sucks to be you” and here’s the even HARDER part…after you tell someone this…the other party may not even acknowledge you, appreciate you or accept your apology. But do NOT retract it saying “You’re right I’m not sorry!” keep a humble heart. There are far greater things that we can stress out about rather than who won what.
Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. — Philippians 2:3
Elton John nailed this one. “Sorry seems to be the hardest word” – Humility is hard. It is as natural as flying is to whales. And it can be VERY uncomfortable, but let me suggest that it is like a muscle: the more you flex it, the easier it gets. Realizing that other people’s thoughts and feelings are equally important as your own (if not more) is something we learn. It all started when we were kids standing in the sandbox grasping our ball saying “MINE!” Hopefully throughout the years, we are able to readjust that muscle and see the benefit in lowering ourselves to esteem others more valuable than ourselves.