When was the last time you were desperate? I mean all out, end of your rope, no foreseeable way out, desperate? It could be about a financial situation, a relationship, a business, a goal, school, your job, any one of many things…and you are at wit’s end of how to move forward. From the number of times I have been in this spot for various reasons, you’d think I was a master at dealing with it by now! Well, I’m not sure I’m quite a master, but I have observed a few things that I think might help me (and possibly you) for handling these times.
I used to hear people tell the story of how someone they knew (or maybe even THEM) went from being a millionaire to being broke, or from a very high position at a job to the loading dock, or just basically from “having it all” to “losing it all” and was always left with the same thought: ‘How in the world is that possible?” – ‘Man, if only I had a million bucks, life would be set’ or ‘if I was the CEO–what else could a person want?’ Right?! Well, obviously…NO! Sure, I’ve had the pleasure of having very successful financial years, followed by drought. Not having enough money to put milk in the fridge…(you think I’m kidding?) Or from having a great job, maybe even almost TOO much work…to losing it all and not knowing how in the world I will pay the three-months house payments now overdue.
One thing that made enduring the HARD times (not just difficult or less-than-ideal) was a simple strategy. Point One:
If you sit in your ashes of failure and remember the old days and how you had it all and now look at me – you will STAY THERE. Believe me…we all have sucky times in life, and they are never easy, and we find out quickly that life is not always full of sunshine and rainbows. But if you just sit and think “I’m screwed,”…well, then…you will be. You must come up with a plan and follow through by making small but measurable improvements every single day. Ask yourself: “What is the ONE thing I could do today to change my situation in the long run?”
Most people get to this point and conclude that unless they can solve the situation entirely, with one fell swoop, then it’s not worth the effort. I know a guy who owed a large sum of money and the pay up date was fast approaching. But he said “I don’t have the money” and just accepted that fact without a move towards making even a SMALL step forward. Just because you can’t handle 100% of a challenge, doesn’t mean many 1%’s couldn’t be accomplished in the meantime.
I remember more times than one when I was in financial straits and got up and started walking around my apartment taking inventory of what I could sell, pawn, or do without. Since I am a musician, I always had sound gear, keyboards and such, and they were usually the low hanging fruit. I’d gather up my items, (not based on need, but on worth and resell value) and head to the pawn shop or place ads. I found out this wasn’t always a good idea. I’d sell a $2,000 keyboard for $250, then buy it again for $2,000 when I was in a better financial position. This brings me to Point Two:
As I said earlier, have a PLAN. When we make decisions based on emotions rather than a well-thought out plan, they are potentially more harmful than they are helpful in the long run. You have probably heard “You can always find a job when you have a job,” so if you got laid off, fired or displaced…go get a job! ANY job. Don’t worry if the salary isn’t what you need or the job is beneath your skillset…just think of it as playing the odds. You can be looking for that perfect job with everything you want WHILE you are employed, have confidence and feel good that you are doing something as a means to an end.
You could also volunteer your time. Don’t say “I don’t know of anywhere to volunteer” because believe me – there are TONS of places once you start looking. If you need money…think of ways you could make money doing something on a small scale. Walk dogs for people, drive someone to and from work, Uber, deliver packages, start a lemonade stand. Heck, it doesn’t matter how old you are, get YOU out of the way and just think of how bad you really want something. Want to get out of where you are? MOVE!
This next paragraph may be a little touchy and I will try to be delicate, but I feel led to address it because I see it around me quite a bit. What if you are in a relationship you have NO GOOD REASON for being in? I can name four people I know right now who are living in a miserable, abusive horrible relationship just because they get something from it…usually a place to live. But because they are unwilling to make any changes that would help them in the long run, they have been (and will likely continue to be) in the same place years from now–or maybe even for the rest of their lives. They might be desperate for a way out, but they are unwilling to make a move toward the 1% improvement. One person has no job, schooling or skills but they continue to live in a ridiculous abusive situation. I suggested spending a few minutes a day coming up with a plan, then a few minutes a day learning a new skill online instead of texting their friends complaining about their life. Spend even a little time doing something that could actually open a window for escape – literally. Another has a very excessive (in my opinion) love for cats and wants to have 3-4 feline roomies to love on all day long. Problem is: this person has no job or money to be self-reliant….so they agree to live in a situation that keeps them from future self-confidence and independence. It hurts me to see people living in these situations, because there IS HOPE and there is a way out. But they all need to simply make 1% changes every single day. Sadly, most of them are simply not desperate enough to make that move.
Bottom line is: Even if you cannot entirely achieve 100% of your goal – that doesn’t mean there is nothing you can be doing EVERY day towards getting there!