So there I was just going through my Sunday when all of a sudden something hit me like I was standing still on a highway and an eighteen-wheeler smashed in to me. UGH! My decent day just turned to crap in .01 seconds. And it wasn’t just one of those “oh that’s a shame” kind of deals; it was like devastating to say the least. It was only 10:30 am and I was crushed, I was hurt, and I WAS MAD! And guess what day it was? It was Father’s Day, of all days. And I surely didn’t feel like doing any sort of celebrating…not any more, anyways. I had planned to spend the day with my son, but that hope and reality had become two different things.
I got in my car and slipped into pretty much “automatic” mode, wrapped up in thinking about how much this sucked. Was I justified in feeling this way? Sure! Was it unfair? Absolutely! Was it something I caused? Of course not! But the reality was, “it is what it is.” And there was little to nothing I could do to change any part of it. I started driving, and I passed my usual turn to go home and drove North. Very North. I passed the restaurants, ( I was hungry, but not anymore), passed the city limits—-more North–passed through the next city, and eventually crossed the State line. No idea where I was going or where I would stop. I just wanted to distance myself from…something. It didn’t seem to make much difference, honestly. I still felt like crap and my anger level might have actually increased as I crossed in to the next state. Yet I continued North.
After several hours of driving, I decided to stop at this small diner in this incredibly small town. I went in and saw about twelve people enjoying their lunches. Most of them were clearly enjoying their lunch while celebrating Father’s Day. Lucky bastards. I was the furthest I could be from celebrating and it wasn’t even my fault…but I digress. One of the waitresses told me to sit wherever I like, so I sat down next to a window and looked at the single page menu with three to four options at most. I noticed they had a buffet, so I told the waitress I would just do that. I could tell pretty quickly the waitress talking to me was new. Very new. She was getting step-by-step instructions from another ‘seasoned’ waitress. I didn’t care, as long as I got my drink, I was okay to just sit and steam over the unfairness of life. Boy, I was really working myself in to a matza ball of self pity…
I ate most of my main course and then I needed to go the men’s room. When I came out, I caught eyes with my trainee waitress and she looked at me like I was a ghost. Then I saw why-she had already bussed my table and all my food and utensils were gone! “Oh no” she said disturbed..”I thought you left!” So I said it was okay, and besides: with the day I was having, that was the least of my concerns. Just par for the day I was having. So I made myself round two of lunch at the buffet and sat down to eat my smaller portions. I was in no rush, so I sat and watched families come and go. One teen-aged girl came in with what I assumed was her dad. They sat a table near me and I watched with envious rage as they enjoyed talking and laughing. Great, I get to watch this right in my face.
After a while I got up and went to go get some of the apple cobbler I had eyed on my way to the bathroom earlier. I plopped it in my bowl and topped it with some vanilla ice cream. On my way back to my table, guess who I saw? And Guess what expression was on her face? Yep…she thought I left again. So my table was clear of my drink and all silverware. I was not amused, but the waitress training her busted out laughing when she saw what was happening. I didn’t find it quite as amusing, but again, it was just par for the day. I sat down and slowly nibbled at my cobbler until i eventually lost interest. The teenager and her dad were about to finish. I saw they opted for the banana pudding…might have been a better option.
I got up and went to the check out stand. Then something unexpected and life changing happened. I said I wanted to pay for the dinner of the teenager and her dad. I even surprised myself as I said it. After all, I was still in a pissy mood. I asked her to discreetly get their bill and add it to mine. So the waitress began adding up the total. And then I asked rather tongue-in-cheek “So who gets my tip?” After all, I had been serviced by more than the new gal. “Oh, it’s Sunday. We pool the tips since this is usually a low tipping day.” I was in shock. I guess I figured people would be more generous on a Sunday..but I guess not. So then miracle number two happened. I said I wanted to give a $100 tip! No I am not rich, but this amount was all I could think of at the time. The waitress was visibly affected and actually was shaking a little as she looked at me and asked if I was sure. Then the owner came over to handle the transaction. As he took my money he said “Thank you very much, we appreciate it.” I smiled at the owner and waitress and then left and sat in my car. Wait a minute! What happened!? I noticed something huge. I was not mad anymore. While nothing of my circumstances changed, I was redirecting my attention to something besides my pity and desperation.
From that day forward, I found that no matter how sucky my day and for whatever reason it sucked…if I turned a blind eye to my own personal woes and focused on other people – entirely – my day got better. Since this day, I have proven this over and over. I don’t limit looking for someone who I think “looks like” they are having a bad day, I just find someone to bless. Because, as it turns out, we ALL have something going on. It may not show on the outside or be someone asking for help, but sharing with others makes a huge difference. It doesn’t always have to be money. That’s the low hanging fruit of helping people. There was the time I saw a guy in the Walmart parking lot who was finished loading his car and as I walked to the front door, I asked if I could take his cart back for him. You would have thought he had just won the lottery. “Wow, thanks!” he said with a massive grin. “You don’t see people doing THAT very often.” It obviously made him feel better and it cost me zero dollars..but the net result was good for him, and a shot of joy for me.
At some point, I discovered something else. I don’t have to be having a sucky day to brighten someone else’s day and I get that same shot of joy! Random acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, respect, consideration…these are not things that come naturally since our human nature shouts “Take care of number one unless there’s something in it for you!” Now I try to find little things I can do to do to make someone else’s life a little happier.
Find someone to bless. Look beyond your own position and consider others who need compassion too. And when you focus on others, your problems suddenly seem less damaging. Sure, your day may suck, and it is totally understandable to roll around in that misery. But that’s easy; that’s natural. Be different, be a light, and think of someone besides yourself. In the Army, they use the phrase ’embrace the suck’ – Face it, it ain’t easy, now deal with it.” Again, there is no hiding the fact that it sucks, but where do you go from here? That’s YOUR decision.
Have a great day by making someone else’s better!