OK, I am going to share something VERY personal about my life. I only do this because I truly hope and pray it might help someone else who is (or will be) going through the same thing I experienced. I don’t want the lesson(s) I learned to be kept just for me. Remember how I always say; “A smart person learns from his mistake, but a wise person learns from the mistakes of others”? Well – here ya go.
warning: this is going to be a tough read!
Let me start with the scripture that has bothered me for AGES. It makes NO sense and is easily speed-read by if we aren’t in a situation that it applies. I have heard/read this scripture MANY times in my life, but since it didn’t REALLY apply to anything I was experiencing I just thought “yeah, yeah sure – no problem…next!” Then it hit me square between the eyes in the latter days of my life.
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”
Matthew 5:44
WAIT…WHAT!? Who do you think I am? Superman? Ghandi? Mother Theresa? I am only a man, and this scripture is telling us to do the impossible. I mean, c’mon – really?? Like I said, I have read this simple verse many times in my life but it wasn’t until someone REALLY did a number on me out of sheer greed and selfishness that I had to figure out how to put these words into practice. It wasn’t easy, that’s for SURE! And I will also tell you it didn’t happen overnight…it was more of a step-by-step process. I mean this was a purposeful, intentional, thought-out, planned attack on me and those who I loved dearly. And now I was supposed to forgive? Love? In the words of Jerry Seinfeld – “I think not!”
So the first step was that I had to fundamentally forgive this heathen…I was completely unsure how to do this…the very LAST thing I was thinking was about ‘loving’ this Gentile. Every bone in my body said “ATTACK! REVENGE! PUNISH!” – but the scripture said to forgive? Oh boy, this was going to be tough. All I can say is it took many prayers and time…no not asking for the ability to forgive, but to first-of-all realize I had just as little reason to be forgiven for any of my stupid sins as this dude. So what makes me any ‘better’ than them when in fact there is no ‘scale’ – there is a LOT about our lives and relationship with God that is an “all or nothing – Black or white…love one – hate the other” formula. So once I realized I was as guilty and undeserving as this guy was, then we were at least on a level playing field and I could see it was ridiculous to think I was ANY different from him…my sins may look different and less “severe” to me or possibly someone else, but that matters little. The only judgement that matters is how it looks to God.
OK, I can see I need to forgive this person. And not just saying it but mean it in my heart – “I forgive you – I don’t agree with what you did, I don’t appreciate it and I even hate the actions” but I could not simply toss this person aside. Despite what little ME thinks, this is still a person made by God and loved by him. I will tell you, once I saw this clearly, it was NOT a simple overnight change. Stubborn, bull-headed me had to sit on it for a few days (or longer) before I was truly forgiving and not just mouthing the words. But once it stuck, I could feel it. I had forgiven them. Moving on.
The really sticky part for me was ‘pray for them’ – sure I could pray God would heap coals on their heads and curse their DNA, but somehow I got the feeling that’s not what the scripture meant. Rats! I was even MORE lost on how to do this one. So I prayed and prayed for a breakthrough of how in the world I could pray anything good for this loser….I mean child of God. Then it hit me! It was clear this person had gifts and talents from God just like He gave to the rest of us. The only issue was, this man was using them in the wrong way. But…imagine if he was using these gifts to actually benefit the kingdom and help people come to know the Lord!? That was it! I prayed that the Holy Spirit would intervene and convict him to stop his wicked ways and use these precious talents for the one who gave them to him in the first place! Wow, suddenly, my whole view of this person changed…in an instant. Imagine the testimony this person could have if indeed they changed their lives to make a stand for Christ. That could be an incredible, beautiful thing! It surely isn’t out of the realm of possibility for God. I mean look at Matthew who was hated by everyone in the city, Paul was crucifying Christians, Nicky Cruz was the leader of a powerful gang in New York but then God got ahold of him and then he traveled the world speaking to nearly 50 million people in person and authored 17 books to reach at-risk youth cultures riddled with crime, drugs, and gang activity. All these people were living polar lives to what God wanted, but he changed them. So yeah, my guy was in good company as it seems. Now I had something I could pray in SINCERITY and with passion. Of course at the core of this prayer is realizing that I am just as tarnished with the crimson stains of sin as he is. The prayer comes more from one brother to another…not a condemning judgmental perspective. I do not have that right or position.
So there you have it. My enemy went from a hated evil being to a brother. It was only with the patience God has for me and the love he has given all of us to use on each other. I am surely not strong enough to do this on my own. Now, do I still suffer the consequences of this guys behavior? Sure, often…daily…more than I wish, but when I feel my blood pressure rising (it happens more than I would like) I take a breath and remember, this guy is NOT an enemy any more. Our human nature is alive and well and it tries to remind me: “You hate this guy! He screwed you and you deserve justice!” Nothing of that previous quote is true. Did he wrong me? Clearly, but now it is MY decision to allow this bad situation to be used to glorify God, or devour my soul.